Musings from this side of somewhere.

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2009-08-23T20:36:00.000-07:00

All of my life I've been finding myself, figuring out who I am. Over the years I've been musical theatre girl, music girl, reader girl, [insert television show] girl, sci-fi girl, writer girl, quirky girl, old movie girl, Audrey Hepburn girl, hippie girl, art girl, etc., etc. I've often felt that I had to categorize myself like this, because so many other people, it seems, are categorized. It's like, I'm an English major, which means I think deep thoughts and criticize people on their grammar, and read Sylvia Plath and drink coffee. While I enjoy all of those things (Except I hate regular coffee. It's a mocha or nothing. Also, sometimes the deep thoughts aren't exactly ever-flowing.), I don't just enjoy those things. I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer comic books, I hate tea, and I really want a cat.
Sometimes I think I'm more likely to categorize myself in front of people. I'm musical theatre girl in front of my theatre friends, sci-fi girl in front of my friends who are into that, but I very seldom cross those lines. My new goal is to stop doing that. I want my friends to have all of me, not just the parts I know they would like.
In high school I wasn't a completely different person, but I wasn't the same either. There were a lot of things I hadn't yet discovered about myself, and a lot of things I hadn't discovered for myself. In high school I had completely different goals for myself (well, I don't know about completely. There were still some things the same).
This post is a little scattered, but I'm feeling a little scattered. I'm starting to feel like I'm really back, in that I'm a little scared. I'm confident that I can do really well this semester, but I know getting through will be tough.
And I really just want to be myself.

A dream I had.

2009-05-26T08:20:00.000-07:00

In my dream there was something about vampires being real and there was a whole series of books about Dracula and they had the same name as the Twilight books and something about a companion book with the real-life accounts of somebdy that hunted vampires. Sarah Kuykendahl (an acquaintance through a mutual friend) and I discuss how I haven't seen the Twilight movie but I'm okay with that. All of a sudden I was in a mall, and there was this store that had really cool stuff, like neat costumy stuff and other stuff. And then as I went through the store I was in a big room with theatre seats and a table to one side, but still more exhibit-y things. We go up to one and it starts talking to us about "the pattern", and a bunch of people ask "like Fringe?". At one point Don't Stop Believin' starts playing and Josh and I start singing it a la Glee. Mike is there, too. A guy from high school (Cody Dunham, to my high school friends) yells something to me, and I say "Thanks Oz", but I realize it was Cody a second after I say it, and say "I mean, thanks Dunham". I go over to my seat, and Willow (from Buffy) is looking upset at me because I said Oz's name. I apologize, and Tara (also from Buffy) tries to help me. Then a bunch of teachers come with sandwiches (it's like it was a field trip or something) and then some of them, along with Giles (from Buffy) start doing a presentation thing. Something about people from Bastiana, which I think my subconscious made up. Then I woke up.

A list.

2009-05-07T17:19:00.000-07:00

People I feel awkward telling to "have a great day!" at Dollar General:

Nervous young women buying pregnancy tests.
Nervous young couples buying multiple pregnancy tests.
Anyone buying a laxative.

Elope with me, miss private, and we'll sail around the world

2009-01-09T07:48:00.000-08:00

So last night was basically awesomely epic, I went to Paducah with my friends Luke and Julie (or they went with me, I was driving). We first went to Market Square Coffee to meet up with some of my friends from there, Philip, who I met at a theatre camp thing, and Allyson, who I was in a show with a couple of years ago. We went to Fazoli's for dinner, and then we went to see Doubt at the independent cinema there, Maiden Alley Cinema. It's a really cool theatre, in a gorgeous older building.

I love old buildings. I really do. They have such a history, a history you can feel just by being there.

Doubt was amazing, Meryl Streep is such a fantastic actress, and gave a wonderful performance, as did the other actors. Wonderful wonderful wonderful.

After the movie we went to Sonic, and then WalMart. Somehow when I'm with my friends we always end up at WalMart. Oh, there was also a couple making out in the parking lot. I love Kentucky.

And now I have to go to work, which is upsetting. I detest Dollar General with every fiber of my being. Mhmm.

Both Luke and Julie go to college not here, and I miss them a lot. Luke will read this, but Julie won't. Also check out Luke's blog, 'cuz he's pretty cool. :]

http://lukelogandennis.wordpress.com/

<3333Em

Of shredded cheese and corn chips, and the lack thereof.

2009-01-06T14:23:00.000-08:00

Today was my first day in the past few weeks having the house completely to myself, and not having work or anything. Yesterday my parents went back to their jobs, and my sister went back to school, but I also had to work, yeah, still hate it. But today I had an entire uninterrupted day of supposed leisure, even though I still have yet to complete the organization of my room and I'm pretty sure I was supposed to do some laundry today. (On a completely unrelated subject I would like to mention that I currently have a loose thread on the hem of my sleeve that is really annoying me. I've now torn it off and all is well.)

The only really interesting thing that happened to me today was at lunch time. Mom gave me permission to eat the remaining taco soup from the refrigerator, which I very much was looking forward to. Little did I know before the reheating of said taco soup that I realized we were out of shredded cheese. Frantically, I telephoned my mother to explain my predicament. Of course, she was at work, so there was really nothing she could do about it. But I was distraught. How could I enjoy the last wonderful bowl of my mother's taco soup without shredded cheese? Was I to let the wonderful sour cream go solo in this beautiful performance for the taste buds? No, sir. I was not.

So I went to the grocery store. I put my hair up in a ponytail (so as to avoid the "I just escaped the asylum" look), got in Margo (my car), and drove to the store.

Grocery stores have always given me interchangeable feelings of intimidation and pride. It's a place for grown-ups to purchase all of the necessities of life, food, water, sugary cereals, etc. Being in one makes me almost grown-up. However, I feel I'm not meant to be grown-up, and the imposing shelves higher than the top of my head give me a sense of unworthiness. I'm not supposed to be there, and they know it.

I quickly found the cheese (and cereal and cookie dough besides) and made my way to the line. I purchased my groceries, and returned home to safety. I then lovingly prepared my taco soup to perfection, first sprinkling in the cheese, then spooning out a dollop of sour cream. After I finished, I went to the cabinet for the corn chips. Only to find them gone.

It goes without saying that I had my first bowl of taco soup sans corn chips. There was no way I was going back out into the rain. Or leaving the house at all.

But these things happen. They make you appreciate the small things like shredded cheese, corn chips, and dry feet.

Merrick out.
<33Em

Good evening, 2009. Also, a reintroduction.

2009-01-05T15:12:00.001-08:00

I basically fail at blogging, but I'm willing to give it another go. Another year, so here goes. It's been quite a while since my last attempt at blogging, and I have a few new audience members for this spectacle, so I'll reintroduce myself.

I'm Emily, sometimes known as emphan89, emmy89, emz89, and a variety of other usernames throughout the intertubes. I'm in college. My goal is to be an English teacher at the high school level. I read a lot. I'm a movie junkie. I'm a music junkie. I'm a television junkie. I'm an actress, a singer, a writer, a Dollar General sales associate, and a nerdfighter. I hate my job, all of my friends either live out of state or attend a university ninety miles away, and I'm having to spend another semester going to community college until next fall, where I will return to the aforementioned university. Also, my laptop is in a coma, so I'll be using my mom's or the family desktop. Whooop.

Today I went to work at nine o'clock. It was suckage. Did I mention I hate my job? I do. I came home at one. I had a snack/light lunch and watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother. I watched Law and Order until picking up my sister from school. I made her do her homework like the warden I am and then we watched Lost. Which is what I am doing now as I blog. Someday I will blog about Lost and it's awesomeness, but for now I'm just going to do the obligatory intro and the update. :)

I'll post tomorrow, and it will be much better, I promise. Hehe.

<33Em

I just realized my blog has the same layout as John Green's. fangirls

2008-06-21T12:48:00.000-07:00

So this week has been an interesting one, with a lot of highs and lows. Firstly, there was the death of my dog, which, surprisingly, I got over quickly. But I had been preparing for that event for the past year or so, really. During school I worried very much that during one of my daily phone conversations with my mom in the mornings between class that she would have news for me, telling me that he had died. And even when I was back at home, I worried that I would wake up in the morning to find him dead.

So I had almost mourned him prematurely. I cried when it happened, but after that, it was over. I know he isn't hurting anymore, and I know that we have nothing to worry about now.

Aside from that, I got a job. At Dollar General. Not a very glamorous or fun job, but for a part time job--well, let's just say, it isn't fast food. Yesterday I was shopping with my parents and even got my uniform--a black polo and khaki pants. Yay.

We found out this morning that a boy from our church passed away in his sleep. He was only twelve years old, and passed completely unexpectedly. He was a friend of my sister's, they had grown up together, and had been on little league sports teams and such together. She took it pretty badly. I'm reminded by this that we have so little time on this earth in relation to all of time as it is. Our time here is but a blink of an eye.

Today I'm going to go to the lake house of some old friends of my dad's, and I won't know many people there. I'm thinking about sneaking in Twilight, which I'm rereading. Luckily my sister is back from camp, so maybe she'll keep me company.

Today's song:

The Last of the Great Whales - Ed Blann

This song is beautiful, simple, and folky. I discovered Ed Blann on YouTube, http://www.youtube.com/eddplant. He is a singer/songwriter from Edinburgh, Scotland.

Suck levels are high.

2008-06-17T17:38:00.000-07:00

I had a whole other subject to blog about today, but I figured that that particular topic will still be there when I get back to reality. Today my dog had to be put to sleep. He had a wire in his stomach, but besides that, a mass of something. I guess it was a tumor or something.

I knew that it was going to happen, most likely sooner, rather than later, but I never imagined this soon.

We adopted Bingo, or rather, he adopted us, in roughly 1993 (my memories are a little fuzzy, I was quite young). He stayed outside, except for one winter that proved too cold for him and our other dog, Billy.

Bingo by ~Aelnora on deviant ART

I don't really know what else to say. I guess it seems ridiculous to be this upset about the death of a pet, but Bingo has been a part of our family for a very long time, and he was sort of my dog. He primarily stayed around me our Dad, so it was kind of like we shared him.

A lot of times when Mom or I would be in the music room practicing or just messing around, he would come in there and sleep. It was really sweet, and I think the music was soothing to him. And when I would sing to him, he seemed to be relaxed, and I think he knew it was for him.

And now, just as I didn't know how to start this post, I also don't know how to end it. I know that I miss Bingo, but I also know that he doesn't hurt anymore. He was very much in pain, and I could see it whenever he would stand up, and when he would try to lay down.

So I'm coping. I know I'll have other dogs, and I'll love them just as much as I did Bingo, but he'll always be one of our first dogs, that I deeply cared about, and that I know cared for us, too.

Suck levels are high, but I'm going to keep trying to be awesome.

My Bingo by ~Aelnora on deviant ART

I have very little time in which to write this but....

2008-06-15T15:57:00.000-07:00

...here goes. I have church at 6:30 and sometime before that I have to figure out the VCR so that I can tape the Tony's. Which are tonight! Yay! I'm excited. I usually miss them for some reason or another, but I planned ahead this time. I really wanted to have a Tony's party, but that didn't happen. So I think my friend and I are going to have a post-Tony's mini-party during which we will watch it taped and chat on Skype.

So this weekend has been interesting in parts, and not in others. Yesterday, as mentioned in my previous post, I sang at the Community Arts Foundation Annual Meeting, which went rather well, I guess. Earlier that day I fell (I was leaping through the house) and I twisted my ankle rather nicely. It still hurts.

Right before I was supposed to meet the person accompanying me to practice, I couldn't find one of my heels. So I was thinking, in my frantic state, how if I had to, I would wear my tap shoes, because they are the only other black heels I have. Yeah.

But I found the other shoe, and all was well.

Today my sister left for a mission camp with the youth group at our church, so I get to pretend that I'm an only child, which is exciting. I intend to fully use it to my advantage, if they'll let me.

Also this week, I have to get a job.

And I've started a story, which I mentioned before, but right now I know very little about the plot. I currently only really have vague character sketches in my brain, so I'm working on it.

Random song which I have no time to post a link to an mp3 of....

She & Him - You Really Got a Hold On Me

Folky, loungy, not really sure how to categorize it. Zooey Deschanel is a part of this group, and her smooth vocals are absolutely wonderful.

Nothing that matters, naturally.

2008-06-14T11:36:00.000-07:00

So I just finished all of the Brotherhood 2.0 videos by vlogbrothers John and Hank Green.
[link here]
They are still vlogging, sort of weeklyish. So check them out. :) You'll be glad you did.

Tonight I'm singing at the Community Arts Foundation Annual Meeting. I'll be singing Popular and For Good, both from Wicked, and Upon This Rock, recorded by Sandi Patti.

I don't know if I'll be able to make it through For Good. When practicing I almost had a breakdown.

So I've been looking at the demographics of the viewers of my videos, and I have found that 68% are male, and 32% are female. The leading age range of both genders is 45-55. I'm not really sure what this says about my videos and the people that enjoy them. It does kind of creep me out to think about forty-five year old men watching my videos intently.

So I've started reading some other blogs, including one by my friend Liz, one by author and co-leader of Nerdfighteria John Green, and one by two fellow Nerdfighters that are doing a blog project together.

I promise that I will write with more substance in the future, but right now I didn't really feel like it, and I'm going to try to put all of my substance into a story I've started. I don't know what it's about yet.

Also, check out my page on Nerdfighters, link with my face on it in the sidebar.

Almost forgot. Today's random song:

They Might Be Giants - The Mesopotamians

This is pretty fantastic. No lie. :)

Nerdfighters, writing, words, etc.

2008-06-12T08:56:00.000-07:00

View my page on Nerdfighters

I am part of an internet movement known as Nerdfighters. Nerdfighters are individuals that are made of awesome, and who fight to decrease worldsuck in the never-ending battle with the "popular" people. It was started by John and Hank Green, also known as vlogbrothers on YouTube (check them out, they're awesome) during their Brotherhood 2.0 project in 2007.

Their project was to use anything but text-based communication for a whole year, instead communicating via video blogs, or vlogs.

Passing over Nerdfighters (which I strongly encourage everyone to check out), I move on to my next topic.

Writing. I greatly enjoy writing. Writing is something that I've succeeded in, and that I want to keep succeeding in. Hence the blog. I hope that by writing more, I can improve. I haven't done very much writing for a while. I'd consider myself a writer, but not a great one. In high school, I started a lot of "novels" that I may just decide to finish. I've been reading and thinking about Young Adult fiction a lot lately, so I may try to see what happens if I try to move my writing in that direction. We'll see what happens.

Every now and then I think about words, more than every now and then actually, and in particular how a simple change of one letter can make an interesting change to the whole meaning of a sentence. The "s" key being next to the "d" key, the word "sleep" can quickly turn into the word "dleep", which, coincidentally, is not an actual word. If it were, it would be some kind of liquid, or a bodily function.

Also, I often find myself accidentally pressing the "b" key instead of the "v", making the word "love" into "lobe", saying things like, "I lobe you guys!" and "Don't you lobe that?". What does it mean to "lobe" something? :)

And I decided that instead of just shuffling my music, I'm going to pick some songs that I've listened to lately that I've enjoyed. I find myself skipping through until I find one I like. :)

Sondre Lerche and Regina Spektor - Hell No

This song is so soothing and nice, their voices go well together.

The Bird and the Bee - Again and Again

Fun song, really great beat and interesting instrumentation. Makes you want to dance. :)

The Mountain Goats - Love Love Love

New Mountain Goats fan here. Awesome. (John Green sent me, and he's right, they are so jokes.)

An introduction and an epiphany (sort of)

2008-06-09T20:58:00.000-07:00

So today I came to a shocking realization.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

Perhaps an introduction will help you all in understanding my situation.

My name is Emily. I started at Murray State University in the Fall of 2007 as a music performance major. I enjoy music, theatre, reading, writing, photography, and many other things. My former career goal was, in what I like to think are very general terms, a musical theatre performer.

I realized, as a music major, that I lack both the drive and talent to succeed in the highly competitive entertainment industry. I believe that I am talented (please don't think me conceited, I'm really not), but I'm very laid back and not very competitive.

Now that I've outlined my reasons for not pursuing a career in musical theatre, I will now move on to something completely different.

Wow, that felt very Python. :)

One thing I've noticed, is that I have a very eclectic mixture of music in my iTunes library, so what I thought I'd do is do a daily "Today on Shuffle". So, here goes:

Today on Shuffle:

Sarah Brightman - Scarborough Fair

I actually have about three versions of this song in my library. It's a folk song that has been covered by Simon and Garfunkel, Celtic Woman, Sarah Brightman, as well as many others.

Kristin Chenoweth - Let Yourself Go

Composed by Irving Berlin, "Let Yourself Go" is a jazzy piece from her album of the same title. I love jazz and big band music, and would love to perform this song sometime. It has to be a blast!

Melody Gardot - Worrisome Heart

I downloaded this from iTunes free as the Single of the Week. It's lounge jazz at it's best, one of the better free downloads I've acquired on iTunes.