Labels.

All of my life I've been finding myself, figuring out who I am. Over the years I've been musical theatre girl, music girl, reader girl, [insert television show] girl, sci-fi girl, writer girl, quirky girl, old movie girl, Audrey Hepburn girl, hippie girl, art girl, etc., etc. I've often felt that I had to categorize myself like this, because so many other people, it seems, are categorized. It's like, I'm an English major, which means I think deep thoughts and criticize people on their grammar, and read Sylvia Plath and drink coffee. While I enjoy all of those things (Except I hate regular coffee. It's a mocha or nothing. Also, sometimes the deep thoughts aren't exactly ever-flowing.), I don't just enjoy those things. I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer comic books, I hate tea, and I really want a cat.
Sometimes I think I'm more likely to categorize myself in front of people. I'm musical theatre girl in front of my theatre friends, sci-fi girl in front of my friends who are into that, but I very seldom cross those lines. My new goal is to stop doing that. I want my friends to have all of me, not just the parts I know they would like.
In high school I wasn't a completely different person, but I wasn't the same either. There were a lot of things I hadn't yet discovered about myself, and a lot of things I hadn't discovered for myself. In high school I had completely different goals for myself (well, I don't know about completely. There were still some things the same).
This post is a little scattered, but I'm feeling a little scattered. I'm starting to feel like I'm really back, in that I'm a little scared. I'm confident that I can do really well this semester, but I know getting through will be tough.
And I really just want to be myself.

A dream I had.

In my dream there was something about vampires being real and there was a whole series of books about Dracula and they had the same name as the Twilight books and something about a companion book with the real-life accounts of somebdy that hunted vampires. Sarah Kuykendahl (an acquaintance through a mutual friend) and I discuss how I haven't seen the Twilight movie but I'm okay with that. All of a sudden I was in a mall, and there was this store that had really cool stuff, like neat costumy stuff and other stuff. And then as I went through the store I was in a big room with theatre seats and a table to one side, but still more exhibit-y things. We go up to one and it starts talking to us about "the pattern", and a bunch of people ask "like Fringe?". At one point Don't Stop Believin' starts playing and Josh and I start singing it a la Glee. Mike is there, too. A guy from high school (Cody Dunham, to my high school friends) yells something to me, and I say "Thanks Oz", but I realize it was Cody a second after I say it, and say "I mean, thanks Dunham". I go over to my seat, and Willow (from Buffy) is looking upset at me because I said Oz's name. I apologize, and Tara (also from Buffy) tries to help me. Then a bunch of teachers come with sandwiches (it's like it was a field trip or something) and then some of them, along with Giles (from Buffy) start doing a presentation thing. Something about people from Bastiana, which I think my subconscious made up. Then I woke up.

A list.

People I feel awkward telling to "have a great day!" at Dollar General:

• Nervous young women buying pregnancy tests.
• Nervous young couples buying multiple pregnancy tests.
• Anyone buying a laxative.
  

Elope with me, miss private, and we'll sail around the world

So last night was basically awesomely epic, I went to Paducah with my friends Luke and Julie (or they went with me, I was driving). We first went to Market Square Coffee to meet up with some of my friends from there, Philip, who I met at a theatre camp thing, and Allyson, who I was in a show with a couple of years ago. We went to Fazoli's for dinner, and then we went to see Doubt at the independent cinema there, Maiden Alley Cinema. It's a really cool theatre, in a gorgeous older building.

I love old buildings. I really do. They have such a history, a history you can feel just by being there.

Doubt was amazing, Meryl Streep is such a fantastic actress, and gave a wonderful performance, as did the other actors. Wonderful wonderful wonderful.

After the movie we went to Sonic, and then WalMart. Somehow when I'm with my friends we always end up at WalMart. Oh, there was also a couple making out in the parking lot. I love Kentucky.

And now I have to go to work, which is upsetting. I detest Dollar General with every fiber of my being. Mhmm.

Both Luke and Julie go to college not here, and I miss them a lot. Luke will read this, but Julie won't. Also check out Luke's blog, 'cuz he's pretty cool. :]

http://lukelogandennis.wordpress.com/

<3333Em

Of shredded cheese and corn chips, and the lack thereof.

Today was my first day in the past few weeks having the house completely to myself, and not having work or anything. Yesterday my parents went back to their jobs, and my sister went back to school, but I also had to work, yeah, still hate it. But today I had an entire uninterrupted day of supposed leisure, even though I still have yet to complete the organization of my room and I'm pretty sure I was supposed to do some laundry today. (On a completely unrelated subject I would like to mention that I currently have a loose thread on the hem of my sleeve that is really annoying me. I've now torn it off and all is well.)

The only really interesting thing that happened to me today was at lunch time. Mom gave me permission to eat the remaining taco soup from the refrigerator, which I very much was looking forward to. Little did I know before the reheating of said taco soup that I realized we were out of shredded cheese. Frantically, I telephoned my mother to explain my predicament. Of course, she was at work, so there was really nothing she could do about it. But I was distraught. How could I enjoy the last wonderful bowl of my mother's taco soup without shredded cheese? Was I to let the wonderful sour cream go solo in this beautiful performance for the taste buds? No, sir. I was not.

So I went to the grocery store. I put my hair up in a ponytail (so as to avoid the "I just escaped the asylum" look), got in Margo (my car), and drove to the store.

Grocery stores have always given me interchangeable feelings of intimidation and pride. It's a place for grown-ups to purchase all of the necessities of life, food, water, sugary cereals, etc. Being in one makes me almost grown-up. However, I feel I'm not meant to be grown-up, and the imposing shelves higher than the top of my head give me a sense of unworthiness. I'm not supposed to be there, and they know it.

I quickly found the cheese (and cereal and cookie dough besides) and made my way to the line. I purchased my groceries, and returned home to safety. I then lovingly prepared my taco soup to perfection, first sprinkling in the cheese, then spooning out a dollop of sour cream. After I finished, I went to the cabinet for the corn chips. Only to find them gone.

It goes without saying that I had my first bowl of taco soup sans corn chips. There was no way I was going back out into the rain. Or leaving the house at all.

But these things happen. They make you appreciate the small things like shredded cheese, corn chips, and dry feet.

Merrick out.
<33Em

Good evening, 2009. Also, a reintroduction.

I basically fail at blogging, but I'm willing to give it another go. Another year, so here goes. It's been quite a while since my last attempt at blogging, and I have a few new audience members for this spectacle, so I'll reintroduce myself.

I'm Emily, sometimes known as emphan89, emmy89, emz89, and a variety of other usernames throughout the intertubes. I'm in college. My goal is to be an English teacher at the high school level. I read a lot. I'm a movie junkie. I'm a music junkie. I'm a television junkie. I'm an actress, a singer, a writer, a Dollar General sales associate, and a nerdfighter. I hate my job, all of my friends either live out of state or attend a university ninety miles away, and I'm having to spend another semester going to community college until next fall, where I will return to the aforementioned university. Also, my laptop is in a coma, so I'll be using my mom's or the family desktop. Whooop.

Today I went to work at nine o'clock. It was suckage. Did I mention I hate my job? I do. I came home at one. I had a snack/light lunch and watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother. I watched Law and Order until picking up my sister from school. I made her do her homework like the warden I am and then we watched Lost. Which is what I am doing now as I blog. Someday I will blog about Lost and it's awesomeness, but for now I'm just going to do the obligatory intro and the update. :)

I'll post tomorrow, and it will be much better, I promise. Hehe.

<33Em

I just realized my blog has the same layout as John Green's. *fangirls*

So this week has been an interesting one, with a lot of highs and lows. Firstly, there was the death of my dog, which, surprisingly, I got over quickly. But I had been preparing for that event for the past year or so, really. During school I worried very much that during one of my daily phone conversations with my mom in the mornings between class that she would have news for me, telling me that he had died. And even when I was back at home, I worried that I would wake up in the morning to find him dead.

So I had almost mourned him prematurely. I cried when it happened, but after that, it was over. I know he isn't hurting anymore, and I know that we have nothing to worry about now.

Aside from that, I got a job. At Dollar General. Not a very glamorous or fun job, but for a part time job--well, let's just say, it isn't fast food. Yesterday I was shopping with my parents and even got my uniform--a black polo and khaki pants. Yay.

We found out this morning that a boy from our church passed away in his sleep. He was only twelve years old, and passed completely unexpectedly. He was a friend of my sister's, they had grown up together, and had been on little league sports teams and such together. She took it pretty badly. I'm reminded by this that we have so little time on this earth in relation to all of time as it is. Our time here is but a blink of an eye.

Today I'm going to go to the lake house of some old friends of my dad's, and I won't know many people there. I'm thinking about sneaking in Twilight, which I'm rereading. Luckily my sister is back from camp, so maybe she'll keep me company.

Today's song:

The Last of the Great Whales - Ed Blann

This song is beautiful, simple, and folky. I discovered Ed Blann on YouTube, http://www.youtube.com/eddplant. He is a singer/songwriter from Edinburgh, Scotland.